Maybe I can either rename this blog as “The One with the Unkept Blog” since I’ve gone on a very, very long hiatus on the Internet or maybe just delete all this
shit and start again from the beginning just like what I have done for my past blogs that unfortunately died quietly. I guess this is me going through “quarter life crisis.”*nervous laugh*
I haven’t been really present online for the past year or so because I had to go through some deep, as in reaaally deep dark hole of negativity and it was a lot harder to overcome than what I have thought;and as one would assume, when you meet me personally, I am this jolly and all wise human being that is quite unbothered with everything surrounding her. NOPE, I’m that girl who carries the world on her freaking shoulders all the damn time just waiting to be crushed.
Since last year, I have let myself succumbed on the roller coaster ride of feelings that I know I shouldn’t have dwelled on, and I really can’t blame myself for feeling things that I don’t even want to feel in the first place, because it is okay to not feel okay all the time(amiright?)
To be honest, I was confused. And lost.
I was really confused on what was happening around me; getting engaged, feeling lost at work, and setting aside my priorities and goals in order to be there for our family. I did not know what to do and how to be strong despite everything going on.
It was all too much that everything imploded; my feelings went haywire and I shut everyone off. I was just floating in a dark abyss.
I struggled seeing the good in every situation I have faced, last year. I felt numb everyday, even if there was something to be joyous about, because there was always a shadow lurking and waiting to feed on my own happiness. I was afraid to be happy to just be unhappy the next day.
I just wanted it all to stop but didn’t know how to.
Until, I managed to crawl through the end of the tunnel. I slowly started to reach out again; it wasn’t easy but I got out to take a long breath of fresh air again away from that dark abyss.
I know this sounds too sappy, so I’ll cut short to what I’m really trying to convey here.
Sometimes, you need to grow through what you go through.
Everything happens for you to grow may it be a harsh realization or a new sweet bud of beginning. It may be a cold harsh winter now but know that spring will soon come. You just have to rise above the challenges to prepare you for a new whole season.
God gives you the right people, at the right time and at the right place. Just trust the process.
I hope you are doing good, love.
On to my next post (soon… on heaven knows when.)
Today is a new day, what are you grateful for?